Theory of Beige

The Theory of Beige

It is impossible these days not to become preoccupied with our future. Gone are the certain horizons of what we hoped would be our last mellow years as workers. The slow wind down to retirement, cherished by our paternal companies. The certainty of a good pension and the farewell do, with promises to keep in touch. The gold watch and golden handshake have been supplanted by the two-fingered gesture and the boot out the door. Still, we who are about to depart salute are “Masters” with our own unique one fingered gesture,” Sit on this, Guys.”

With retirement beckoning, us “Baby Boomers “are not quite like our old Mums and Dads. We are the generation who wanted to die before we got old, but forgot to put theory into practice. And talking of theories, I have one of my own which I have formulated over many years, it is called ”The Theory Of Beige”.

As with all great human insights mine occurred to me one day whilst doing a service call in sunny Llandudno, a well-known hot spot of pensioner activity. Llandudno was keeping its promise of sunshine, as I rounded the corner onto the main promenade. My flabber was completely gasted as I caught site of what looked like the scene in The Mummy, where the bandaged one, summons up the sands of the desert into a huge monster.There bearing down on me were tribes of old people forming onto one conglomerate cloud of beige. Over coming my shock and raising myself from beneath a nearby camel, large dog actually, it struck me there and then, that particularly with the male pensioner, a metamorphosis must take place once you reach the age of retirement.

I submit to you dear reader, that as the clock strikes twelve on your sixty-fifth birthday and you lay in bed lamenting your lack of a gold watch, you will be transformed like a caterpillar into a vision of beigial delight. You will awake with an entire ensemble of glorious beige. Shoes, socks trousers, shirt and special pensioner anorak, will declare to all the world you have come out and are proud to wear the badge of old geezer

So there we are, I present my theory for your consideration. As to why it happens I know not. Like the great mystery of the pyramids or the enigma of nasal hair, perhaps one day we will understand the full meaning of the” The Theory of Beige.”

By the by,my theory was formulated back in 2003,long before the famous Mr Terry wogan,of BBC fame got hold of it.So there!

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